taking a break from sewing~

it's been a while since i last wrote in this blog,just feel like writing down what i've been thinking lately..
if u've read one of my post,u'll know that i like to think and reflect what is going on in this world, not that i know everything that had happened everywhere in the world..
it's just something worth sharing, i think, and to be reflected on..

"dont judge and dont criticize"
what good will it bring to any of us to judge and to criticize the people around us?
wouldn't it be better if all of us just carry on with our own lives and leave theirs to themselves?
i'm not asking u to not care at all,but leave the judging to God..
let's look at it this way,
kamu suka ka klu kamu/family kamu yg kena umpat2 or kena kasih buruk2?
nda kan?klu nda suka jgn buat bgtu dgn org lain..

"dlm n luar"
apa yg dlm?apa yg luar?
jgn la brabis bubut2 tu kcantikan,ksh seimbang lu dgn hati kita..
klu mo nmpk cantik, ksh bgs jg tu tabiat d luar..biar selari~

sy bkn mo trip malaikat sini,
yg sy taip2 ni pn sebagai peringatan kpd dri sndri jg..
ingat,kalau rasa2 mau cakap psl org lain,tanya dulu diri sendiri..
"sy ada buat bgtu ka ah?"
klu ada,tutup mulut trus~
klu tiada,tanya ni soalan dgn diri sndri..
"sy tuhan ka ah?"
klu bkn,tutup mulut trus~

this entry bkn mo tembak or bomb sepa2,
sepa yg pijak lumpur,kasut dia yg kutur kn hehehe

carry on with my sewing~

-my comeback-

it's probably time for me to get back to the line and be visible again..

it's not that i have tons to share here anyway,but i ran out of place to write..well,actually i still have plenty of empty pages on my little private book,but my fingers feel like typing today :D

where have i been?

working part time,selling shoes,entertaining customers with my wide smile,

figuring what i should do with my life,planning where should/want to be in few years time..

then what did i get from all that?

back on the crossroads again..

decisions after decisions!

just when i thought life is going to be nice and easy for me,

it gave me another great obstacle to get through,great!

be optimistic you said? yeaah,i should probably be that and stop thinking..

but then i thought we live in the present for the future..then shouldn't we be thinking about the future at the same time?

what a comeback huh? lol

that's all for now i guess,too much will be hard to digest..

famous last words:: live ur present,come what may & just roll with it! (i dont know how did i come up with that~ )

-inner peace-

so long people

i'll see u soon

-untitled-

u know me by my name,

my past u didnt care.

you're like an answered prayer,

with history of ten grown men.

i question the choice i've made,

every hour of the day.

if you're an answered prayer,

is this the test i'll have to face.

an angel will not be sent to the fallen one.

to dance under the heaven light it's just a dream.

happily ever after comes alive only in books.

hope given to kids, mask for the real world.

-me in a hole-

this will be one depressed post i'll have to warn you.

these few days (from the day i last see you) have been my doom days.

doesn't quite know why, but i feel useless and depressed the whole time.

everyone seem to have things to do, and i'm stuck at home.

yeaah,get a job you said..i was planning to get one after the Kaamatan celebration at Grace's house..kinda asked help from a friend,and he managed to get me to an interview on the 1st, the celebration will be on the 4th.i might not have the chance to go and have the fun which i've craved for a long time! trust me,staying home even with internet and Tv is not fun at all!

to make things worse,he's busy helping his family.

not blaming him,what he's doing is good.i'm glad he's not spoiled.

maybe i've got used to get his attention all the time before this and feel kinda lonely now.

i sound so lame and SPOILED.i suck big time.

gong to work after this will make things more difficult.

the distance..OH,COME ON,BOTH OF YOU ARE STILL IN THE SAME CITY FOR HEAVEN SAKE! i knooow right.huh! oh well,the bricks are still on my chest.

my tooth hurt.like big time!

it's the one at the back,i'm not sure what do you call that,but it hurts!

i have to pull it out before i start working (if i get the job,fingers crossed *half hoping i wont get it**who knows for what reason*) i dont want to work in pain.

oh,this pushes me deeper into the hole i'm in right now.

thanks paracetamol even though u dont work that well.

i dont know who to talk to.

i dont even know what to talk about.

i'll be fine,i'm sure.

-dedicated to you seniors-

uwaaaaaa~

u're leaving us already.no more together time.no more ketawa kuat2 smpai lupa dunia seketika.no more share2 isi hati.no more men bubut smbil mengolo n cubit lemak.no more gmbar2.no more hari baju petak sedunia.no more "kak/bang,blanja".no more "hi ally/ali/pumpkin" from u.

sis emma!

ya,i know,dlm sabah jg kita,tp kebrangkalian itk kita jmpa?? naaaa

ko yakin jak,dgn smgat yg ada,hlng tu "aset" nnti,ehehehe

tp klu nda hlng pn ndapa ba tu,yg pntg hati kita gmbra.betuuuull~

ko active2 dlm fb jg pasni aah.

klu ko mo khwin sma bob da btau sy,ehehehe,mo pg tgk jg baa.

tepayah la australian guy,hahaha,itu utk sy!

oh ya,tQ mo ksh kenal sy sma kwn ko,hahaha,tp tdk jd =="

sis eva!

ahli kolam renang! dgn kak amoi :)

siok luah prasaan dgn kmu hri tu,wpn lama da,tp sy msh ingat tu pa yg kita crita2 dlm air,hahahaha.tym kita crita2 tu jg la kita cipta teknik renang baru- m'gustan! :D

kak kembars!

sy blm brapa lulus mo differentiate kamu,ehehehe.ada 1kali sy salam one of you,then tba2 k.kmbr yg satu lg muncul,trus sy bingung ni mana yg sy sdh salam.hahaha.trus sy tnya bell lg mana yg sdh sy salam.best nmpk kmu kak,mmg stail kembar la.ehehehe.semuaaaa sma ni,best!

bro hasrol!

ih,sedih sy baca note bro d FB.trus btl2 trasa yg kamu semua mo grad da ni.

smlm time bbq tu pn mo ngs sy "bye2" kamu.senior yg lain dpt jmpa lg sabtu ni,time program,tp ko teda bro! :'( mcm abg betul2 da ko bro,sbb sy mmg teda abg,hehehe,jd kira trip ada abg la klu dgn bro,ekekekeke.no more kena ketuk kpala oleh ko bro,huhuhu (psl mngolo prg d bustop hr tu,ingat?hahahaha)

ramai lg senior yg dear to my heart,tp ini jak yg plng mlekat d hati tym sy menaip ni.

sorry if ada pa2 yg sy buat bkin sakit hati n tdk senonoh dpan kmu,huhu.

all d best in ur coming teaching life!all of you will do great,i know that!

jap2,sy mo bpantun,hahahaha

klau ada sumur,sy mo tmpg mandi,

klu ada umur yg pnjg,jom la jmpa lg! :D

love each n everyone of you! <3

-queen of my heart-

it's almost here,d day when every queen should feel extra special.

we have different ways to show them our love.

it doesn't matter what u're buying or what you planned to do.

as long as you're sincere and there with her,i'm sure she'll have that big smile across her face all day long.if it isn't there,i'm sure it's in her heart.

mine..

she's the super mom!

her super power:: deal with us 2 girls and run the family!

she's the father when we need to get disciplined.

she's the mother when we need shoulders to cry on.

she's there to get us back in line.

she's there to tell us "you are fine".

i'm sorry

i couldn't be your angel,i'm far from light.

i make you worry when i'm far from home.

i made you cry with what i did.

all d golds n diamonds will not be enough to thank you.

my endless prayer accompany you.

try as i might to take you out of the blue,

i love you very much,i swear that's true.

happy mother's day mummy. we love you :')

-random facts (not scientifically proven)-

okay.it's been a while since i last posted.and yes,i do realize i've used the same intro a few times now.oh well,it's appropriate,so deal with it.actually i just went and got my broadband fixed,lets not talk bout that,not interesting at all.so here goes MY facts:

1) UMS' HEP is a little slow.a little?i'm being kind.what's d point of having a so called "one stop center" if it doesn't function as one.it's there to lessen students' burden to go all the way up to the other building to deal with small matters.might as well close up the center and get rid of all the furniture in a yard sale.hahaha

2) i'm a little deaf.not quite sure which ear.but one of it.or maybe both.shit.yeah,i have trouble hearing what people are saying to me.i can hear you speaking but i may perceived it as something else. "mo bikin beli bola" "aaah,bikin beli cola la pula" "bola la kak,bkn cola" =="

3) MEMPHIS MAY FIRE.listen to their latest album-The Hollow.the songs are nice.they sings for every character we have in this world.the unfaithful.the sinner.and so on.well,listen to it if only u like loud songs. (i think the loud songs has "contributed" in my deafness XD )

4) i find joy in teasing people.hahahahaha.but it's a mutual tease.you know,i laugh at you and you'll laugh at me back thingy.then at the end you'll end up laughing your butt off.do you really laugh your butt off??or did i just make that up.you'll know who's your friend when you can laugh and make stupid jokes with them and they'll laugh with you.

5) i like laughing! so much that i think i sometimes forgot to control myself and end up laughing like a hyena (a wild animal from Africa and Asia that looks like a dog, hunts in groups and makes a sound similar to an unpleasant human laugh <---that's the definition i copied from Cambridge advanced learners' dictionary.avoiding myself form plagiarism) in public places.

6) i have a boyfriend!hahaha.that is so lame.i'm not sure where we're heading.but i 'm not thinking much bout it 'cause i'm living for the moment baby!come what may.my steel heart can take it.thanks to my colorful past.hahaha.

7) i need money.desperately.for what you ask?for everything i must say.well,not THAT desperate.but i'll be happier if i have extras with me now. (if only the university's management is not that BS,i may have some now)

8) hate it when good food (when i say good food,it doesn't mean it's healthy,it's the taste i'm talking about) makes you gain weight real fast!okay,my definition of good food are McD,cakes,chickens,hot rice with soy sauce <--you should try this,it's a 3 seconds food :). i will not list it all,it's making me hungry :/

hmm.that's about it.8 is good.it means richness in Chinese :D

i will get rich soon! hahahaha.still,fingers crossed!

so long!

-here it goes again-

yaaa! exam datang lagi!

pernah kah sy post psl exam before this?klu ada mgkin sma jak isi kndgan dia ni.

tp tepa,klu sy nda ingat ko pn nda ingat jg tu,kan! ahahaha

& spt biasa,sy MALAS mo bljr,

amat budu kan. tp sy rsa tahap mls sy ni blm kritikal lg,

sbb nnti pndai tkut & panik sndri tu,

brula brabis bljr & TANAM muka dlm nota2!

pastu ada la tu sesi mkn kopi & part time kakak guard.

klu mo supernatural skit,jdi burung hantu or penjaga mlm.

hahaha,x bikin takut poooonnn. <--konflik dlmn dri sy,hahaha

blh ka sy selit something else here,other than psl exam?

blh ba kan,blog sy jg,hahaha..

i can be very rude at times.

yup,it depends on the situation i'm in.

i'll curse, shout and that sorts,only if it's appropriate with the people and context :)

yeaah,u dont have to like me baby.

i'm not here to please you.

darling,

if i feel like leaving,i'll go.

this beating element in me had been through a lot,

cant bear to have another scars on it.

okay,jauh menyimpang.

exam exam exam.

makan makan makan!

yaaa! bikin bahaya klu sy d rmh penampang!

maaaaaaakan jak kereja sy! hbs stok mknan dgn pantas!

perut pn ceeeeepat boroi! hahahaha.

mo cari kalkulator (calculator) utk paper penilaian.hahaha

otak sy bebubut-bubut ba,tu la topik crita sy pn lumpat2!

okay,tu jak.so long & bye!

-broken promises-

told myself to not open up the lock again,

and yet i unlocked it.

told myself to not shed in sleep,

and yet the pillow'a wet at night.

ordered myself to put me on top of d list,

and yet i end up at the bottom of the rank.

-i pissed people off-

tried as hard as i can,

but still i pissed people off.

yeah,feel like one of the "fuck face" out there now.

its easier said than done.

saying "told you so" to myself now.

not sure whether this feeling has to do with the time of the month or its a music i have to face for what i've done.

what i've done u ask? good question!

i dont know.seriously!

well, it depends on what it's my mind now though.

oh well.

all these typing wouldnt help.

i'll just shut my mouth,thickened my skin n smile.

i'm great at putting up my mask.

i can be oliver sykes.lady gaga.obama.

oh,n the fuck face mask i'm using now.

-lover Vs friend-

greetings earth people! yeah,i'm form mars!

hahaha,my head is in outer space baby..

it's been a while since i last posted,it's not that nothing interesting happened,but my fingers refused to click on this webpage and type away whatever was there.besides, it's not that important anyway.speaking like a reporter! ya rite!

who will be on the top of your list? ur friend or ur gf/bf??

dont worry,making ur choice now wouldnt require u to sacrifice any of them.

there are currently debates in my head actually,i always have that when i'm alone,trying to logically explains life,not exactly logically explain..that is so not the term! what i really do is reflects on what what the others and i do, and which fence am i leaning on,d better one or the bad's..

see, seldom we see friends are left out when one of them is in a relationship.

i seriously hope i did/will not make any of you feel like that,slap me if i do! i'm effing serious,let me know! i dont mind holding his hand on the right and my friend's on the left.well,it is a little awkward,but i think that's cute! hahahaha..

i'm not trying to judge anyone here,

this is just what i've been through.and maybe i'm merely jumping into a very stupid assumption.oh well,just sharing,continue reading if u like..

i'm not getting to any point here,am i?i'm quite lost in my own words,how stupid is that.

okay,let's put it this way..

how sure are you that the bf/gf u have now is for forever?i'm not saying/sumpah-ing that the relationship wont work,but have u had the guarantee for it?

now,the friends u've had for who knows how long,they were there and still are..where do they stand?

cant it be balanced between lover and friends?

this is not science and rocket equations, you figure the rest..

i'm not perfect either,i may be one of the people described above,

oh please let me know if i am,i dont want to hurt any of you.

not even the slightest cut would i want to be on you!

sorry if i cut any of you already :(

this post has been filtered to suit the readers out there,hahaha,mmg tiada kaitan la!

so long earth people!

-my lecture notes-

the heart is blackened,

it's craving for revenge..

my blades are sharpened,

your blood will be drained..

my angels are off,

i went all wrong..

don't need no love,

to make me strong..

i write no happy poetry,

all i have are blackish arts..

i may laugh out happily,

but inside i'm torn part..

((tried to put myself into sunshine-lala-people's shoes; this is what i got))

sunshine's creeping up my window,

ah, the rainbow i will follow...

shadows seem to leave me,

as i started to sing DO RE MI..

(it sounds a bit off though)

so long!

-badan sy mcm tugu peringatan-

iya,bru jak 12 hours ago sy post entry..

tp ada lg sy mo ckp ni.d blog jak sy dpt berleter tanpa henti.

klu real life sy takut telinga kwn sy penat mdgr.

seriiius,klu sy start bcrita,sy tdk tau mna mo taruh tu full stop.

klu d rmh pn mama n adik sy pndai pening dgr crita n komplen2 sy.haish

tgk,lari topik da,bkn ni sy mo crita okay!

bdn sy keras ba mcm tugu peringatan!

lawa jak dorg menari etnik s'wak tu utj tesl nite,skali ada sy muncul.

sy rsa mcm sy bikin spoil d whole dance ni.

seriiuss! nebes tahap babi gila ni skg.

next friday is already the show.

apa la sy mo buat spya bdn sy lembut??

xkan tym mandi pn mo menari d dlm,hahaha

rendam air panas??ingat ni mee segera??

aiyooo...

sy pndai head banging jak,sbb kepala jak yg gerak,huhuhu

so long reader!

-kalau saya ada banyak duit-

selamat pagi.entry ni patut sy type/tulis smlm.tp tlmpau penat maka t'tangguh.

okay,back to business!

kalau saya ada banyak duit,

saya b'laaaaari p pusat latihan memandu n ambik lesen skg jg!

hahahaha,klu ada duit naik la teksi kan,mo jg blari..

ada sbb tuuu,duit teksi ni bikin tmbah2 beli kereta,hahaha!!

tepayah kereta mahal2,ko humban bg sy kancil pn sy tadah tgn (muat ka kereta d tapak tgn?)

kalau saya ada banyak duit,

saya hntr kwn2 sy yg teda kereta tu pulang satu2,

duit minyak?biarla tu.nda blh bwa mati jg tu duit.

sgp ka anda tgk kwn2 blari dlm hujan,pastu tgu bus mlm2?

hmm,klu sy nda sgp..

klu btl2 sy ada banyak duit,sy hntr dorg pulang rmh pas klas..

hmmm,itu pn KALAU SAYA ADA BANYAK DUIT...

-jumaat ku yg tragis-

it starts with,one thing i dont know why..mcm lirik lagu kan,hahaha..

sebenarnya ia bermula pada pagi tadi,

ketika menyediakan sarapan pagi, aku telah membenarkan minda ku melayang seketika..

dan ketika itu la perasaan malas untuk ke kelas timbul d jiwa dan hati ku!

(penat da sy mo taip full n baku)

tp sy ksh kuat jg hati sy p klas,mcm biasa la jln kaki n nek bus..tp ni hari sy sorg jak..trus dlm bus sy bdiri d pintu sbb tlmpau full da..trus ter-feel jg jd konduktor bus kjap td..pns jg hati kadang2 dgn drebar n konduktor ni,nmpk da penuh tu bus,brabis jg disumbat ba..

"p blkg skit dek"...itu la dialog mereka..cari rezeki kn,mcm tu la lumrah,hmm..fhm2 kan lah keadaan dorg kaann..

after class, my sis (Sharon) & her friend (Jia Yee) fetch me and went to wisma merdeka cari my dress utk TESL nite..

memandangkan kami kebulur mcm cacing d tanah kering,hahahaha,trus kami mkn la d kedai mee udang yg sedap itu..

namun demikian,pekerja dia amat bikin hot aah..

si Jia Yee ni t'langgar tgn pkerja yg angkat sambal..pekrja tu dtg dr blkg,kmi nda nmpk lgsg,jatuh la sambal tu d lantai...

teka pa tu pekerja buat???

teng teng teng!!

dia hempas tu "chuit" (tmpat lada slalu d kdai mkn tu) d atas meja kami!

naaaah! naga terlepas dari benak hati!

terkeluar slang tawau sy yg nda seberapa tu aah (hasil terikut2 slang sis Liz) marah dia..

"dia tlanggar jak pn ko mo hempas tu benda d meja kaa?itu pn ko mo mengamuk?klu sup pns nda pa jg.."

hmm,trus nda brapa sedap ba mee nya..tp hbs jg la,hahaha

(hmm,blm lg hbs ni,tragis kan..bida ni,mrh2 pada jumaat,paling bida oh!)

trus kmi teruskan pjalanan dgn mcari dress la ni.

baaaaanyak ba dress smart,sekali sy p try trus ter-bida tu dress ah,siiitt!

badan sy btl2 mcm mngandung ni..

pdhal sy ingat ada kurus skit da sy,hahaha..rupanya masih sama saiz dan bentuk..

rusak suma plan n imaginasi sy utk tesl nite ni kali..

xpa la.ada 2 mgu lg utk sy try kasih kecik perut...

iya,tu perut jak yg bikin spoil skg ni,heeeiiiii..

tp ekoran drpd itu,ndada tumbuh2 ekor ku,hahaha

nda ba,pastu mcm suma makin ok la..

jmpa jg dress yg tutup perut..

simple black..tepa,yg pntg t'tutup pa yg patut kan..

trus bjln2 la kmi d bwah..food hunt!!

dragon beard (kuih cina)///kuih kapit klu nda silap tu,yg ada kacang tu//takoyaki (fav food Bro hasrol.teringat jg dia td tym mbeli,hehe)///croissant d yoyo (sedap gila siput ni!)

lutut kami longgar2 n kaki kami lemah da,trus kami pulang..

hahaha,tu jak la..

moral of the story???

life has it's ups and downs,

like a wheel it'll spin..

so,ur bad days wont be for ever..

positive thinking will change the situation u're in at that moment..

so,put up ur smile and march to the gerai makanan! hahaha

so long!

-is this the end-

am not good at facts,but i think the whole world knows about the earthquake and tsunami happening in japan..i should type it as plural though,it's not a one single incident,it happened quite a few times already..told you i'm not good at facts..

people in japan are in a really bad situation now,

with their home gone, they have to go for shelters in places provided..

food and drinks are hard to get.it's a good thing that there are still good hearted people out there who are willing to give out free food and drinks for the victims..

to make things worse,the nuclear radiators/plant in one the states exploded,if i may say that and the people are now facing another threat, exposure of radiation.what could be worse.

yeah,we got numerous warnings on the possibility of getting a tsunami here in sabah.

have you ever thought of what to do & where to go if it really happen??

*touch wood* not that i'm asking it to happen,but with today's climate change and the poor condition of the mother earth, anything can happen!

this is what i've thought of anyway:

1. get yourself a bag with bottled waters in it.maybe one/two packets of biscuits too.a pair of clean clothes.ID.hand phone to contact anyone,family and help.

2. think of the closest high ground for you to stay safe before the help comes. since ums is near to the sea,it would be best for you to get to the top floor of the hostel.kg A preferably...1B?just hope that that building can withstand the strong current!

3.pray babe! that's the crucial part of all the above. ask for his help.in fact,we should start praying now.i admit,i'm not a good follower .i suck big time! not having even the minimum knowledge about it,all i know is, it's about time we get back to Him and ask for His forgiveness.i'm not trying to portray hypocrite-ness here,i'm trying my best to change and learn. and maybe we all need to do that together.

dear God of mercy,

bless the souls who've joined you,

let them rest...

bless the people who've survived,

give them strength...

& let the rest of us learn from it.

Amen.

you may find this post silly,it's okay.

maybe you just don't share the same fear i have now.

this is just a little sharing for everyone,that's why we have blogs,right.

-my shoulders feel heavy-

uwaaaa~

mcm mo give up blajar jak skg.

assignments n keja2 suma makin bnyk mcm UMS peak.

serius bnyk!

ni suma pasal tabiat yg suka kmpl2 keja n keyakinan tlmpau tggi konon dpt ksh siap keja last minit.

mo nyesal pn nda sempat da.

tp sy msh ada msa utk blogging kn.

hahahahaha

sy rasa sy makin malas da skg.

krng fokus lg dlm hal2 penting.

aaah,kenapa bgni~

(jom pray spya kita semua selamat from any nature disaster!)

-SICK-

it's not even half of the semester (or it is?), yet i can make an overall conclusion for it already: EFFING SICK!

i've been sick almost all the time, emotionally and physically..

let us not talk that much about my emotion, wouldn't want you to know me inside out..

my health is deteriorating, it that's the right word to describe,

the sickness comes in one whole package:

FEVER+FLU+COUGH+ALLERGY=MISERABLE!

yeaah,allergy..i don't even know what i'm allergic too,

and now it's attacking me like crazy, mad crazy!

my whole body is in itchy, red and swollen..

to make things worse, my face is not excluded!

so, i look like a WALKING GIANT LOBSTER!

just missing the KAPIT2~

2 injections (back in december + last night) + packets of allergy medicines laying on my "coffee table-desk"..does that makes me feel better?

a little..i'm still "reddish" now...

my "condition" now makes me realize something though..

all this while, i thought that i'm ready to go (die if you like)...

yeaah, i thought i'll die from whatever i'm having right now,who knows..

but i dont think i'm quite ready yet,

i haven't say thanks to my mum..

i haven't say i love you to my mum and sister..

i haven't apologize to my grand mom..

tons of unfinished business..

yesterday i cried,i dont want to leave just yet..

whatever it is,i really wish that i'll get better...

will ask my mom to take me for a blood test,must find out what's the cause for all these..

i'm getting tired of pills and cream..

wish it has nothing to do with any witchcraft,

i wouldn't know how to get rid of that..

aaah,i just hope i get better soon!

-BFF??-

aah,wish i can draw u too..

but u're just away too much..

dont know what to draw of you..

sorry~