-little that u know-

the look in ur eyes hurt and tear us from the inside...

little by little..

day by day..

the inner strength u build from your heart,

it'll help u forget the past..

little that u know,

i cry watching u slipping away...

i struggle to climb over the wall u create, so hard...

little that you know,

i sometimes feel like giving up..

but never do, because i love you...

-analyzing the inside-

oooh,here comes my xmas wish list!! oh yes, i have one too!

1. i wish i'll understand myself better

2. i wish everything heals faster n throughly...i dont mind the scars, just let it heal..whatever there's to be healed, hahahaha

3. ever seen the perfect family portrait...don't you just wish you could get it out and place it in your own home...

4. the silent moment...sit..talk a bit..sit some more...look into the sky,night sky preferably...go back,sleep....

i'll stop at 4...Santa will read the rest straight from my heart..Santa has the ability to read mind?? he's better than any magician out there...

extra cheese:: there's something about cat that makes you want to cuddle them & at the same time you'll feel like throwing them right at the wall in front of you..weird huh??

-my eyes are opened,my heart feels-

just came back from another SUEC - Scaling Up Education in Community's program which was held in 3 different places (Salarom,Babalitan & Logongon). another great journey & experiences!! nothing i wrote/typed here would ever best describe what i, or should i say, we went through..

those boat rides were out of the world..u might say that i'm exaggerating, well, that's the best way to describe it for us who seldom ride in a boat..

the outside world...naaah,i should have said the goverment should take a look at the needs for them to take some of the development to these places, especially for education! those kids need plenty of helps in terms of facility & exposure..stop wasting money on government's cars and private jets... hmm,am i attracting ISA?? i really hope some of the so called ruler read this...

i wish i could contribute more to the community there,that one visit would not be enough.. but going there isn't easy too..we had to take 3 types of vehicles the other day-bus,4WD & boat.. can u imagine the cost? i'll leave u to do the math...

pictures? check out my FB account..there are some in it,not much though..cause i didnt bring my own cam & i kinda rely on my lect's and friends'..

i might not be able to change the world, but with these little efforts i'm taking with me, i hope i can change their future..

-just be urself-

YOU EAT, YOU’RE FAT. YOU DON’T EAT, YOU’RE A FREAK. YOU DRINK, YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC. YOU DON’T DRINK, YOU’RE A PUSSY. YOU READ, YOU’RE A NERD. YOU DON’T READ, YOU’RE STUPID. YOU TELL A SECRET, YOU’RE AN ATTENTION SEEKER. YOU DON’T TELL A SECRET, YOU’RE STILL ATTENTION SEEKING. YOU LET SOMEONE IN, YOU’RE EASY. YOU DON’T LET SOMEONE IN, YOU’RE TOO UPTIGHT. YOU SMOKE, YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL. YOU DON’T SMOKE, YOU’RE A LOSER. YOU’VE HAD SEX, YOU’RE A SLUT. YOU HAVEN’T HAD SEX, YOU’RE A FRIGID LITTLE BITCH. YOU WEAR MAKE UP, YOU’RE A SLAG. YOU DON’T WEAR MAKE UP, YOU’RE UGLY. YOU CAN’T PLEASE ANYONE. EVER.

(Source: skelet0ns, via therocketdream)

-scribbled feeling-

Passion plays it all,

no love can be found..

pride used to be so tall,

now lust wears the crown...

It's unfair to him,

for me to live in the past..

and promise a future realm,

saying all will last...

we know it will come,

memories stay in mind,

passion dies with time...

i'll see you in shadows,

and myself turns into crow...

oh,how i like to cry,

pour me with your lie,

ignore me and i will cry...

don't worry i won't die

crying's my lullaby...

(Allyshea,2010)

-the ugly truth-

Kissing's a pleasure

Fucking's a game

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get all the pain

He says he loves you, and you believe it's true

Until your belly starts to swell and he says hell with you.

10 minutes of pleasure, 9 months and pain

3 days in hospital, a child without a name

The baby's a bastard

The mother's a whore

This never would have happened if the rubber hadn't tore.

-would u run away-

Yes/No Questions, please answer all the questions truthfully:

1. will u still be around when u know the real me?

2. will u still be around when i tell u i like my hair blue/dark purple instead of plain black?

3. will u still be around when u listened to my favorite weird musics?

some people called it noise...

but its my lullaby and it sooths my mind....

4. will u still be around when i tell u that i like to read about the ghostly stuff?

i like weird creatures with weird abilities...

they make me feel out of the world n not normal...

soul,bones,werewolf,vampire,night creatures....

5. will u still be there when i tell you about the past me?

stupid,fool,lost...

i may be still d same...

i think i am...lol

6. will u still be around after hearing all my cursing & rough words?

i cursed for reasons..

i dont just walk around & spit out the so called venom...

i'm sane...

7. will u still be there when i tell u that i might not want to change who i am today?

i'm content with what i have...

i'm "sabai" enough...

of course i will change for the better, if what i'm doing & practicing is wrong,

& against the law...

will you still be around?