back tracking...

where do i start...??
okay,here goes....
last Monday,went out with JAYN,KAY & JAY...
it's not as scary as i expected,lol...i thought i'll have a hard time fitting in,but it turns out okay & i kinda had fun with them...
the most important part is: I FINALLY have someone to talk to, i mean i'm able to pour everything out..NO FILTER NEEDED!!
my shoulders feel lighter now..the weight is still there,but at least i don't have to carry it all now..

my other friends, it's not that i don't want to share with u all, but there are things that i'm scared you won't understand & accept...
what are one of the symptoms of depression???
A person may report feeling "sad" or "empty" or may cry frequently.
that sounds familiar...XD

I sleep in tears,
I laugh in agony..
I love you painfully..
Do you still call that love??

ooppss,i did it again??

what did i do? i didn't ask for all these to happen..hurmm,it just popped out like pimples coming out at times u don't need them (since when do we need pimples anyway, LOL)..
i'm just trying to be friends, not more than that..i care about people...(sounds mcm sy prasan kan, may be..hmm,i thought about that too,but....)
besides, I'll never be good enough...not anymore...

-let's get going, this will be one sad post-

i'm trying to make a decision, but thinking makes me crazy..
one of the "commenter" did tell me not to think,hahaha..
i'll only stop thinking if my heart stop beating...
what should i do..
let's do this in a poem...

took the path of no return,
mistakes made & tears are shed..
now the continents spread apart,
leaving me to drown gasping for air..

i need a way out,
out from these fussiness..
tired of keeping all these to myself..
my tears,they long to flow..
but i said no,dont cry..
it'll still be here...

i'm exam free..!! for now..hmm

at last, i finished my paper on Tuesday...we went on to the after party right after,haha!!
kboxing and daytona-ing = pokai ody,hahaha!!!
ermmm,finished d exam means waiting fr the result,not a good thing actually..

Kelle blik Upsi daaaa,huhuhu!!!
teda da kwn p kbox pas ni!!
Kelleee...
wpn kpala ko nda tebotak tym jwb DA,sy msh syg ko..hehe
haha,sy syg ko oooh kelle.. (i'm straight,i'm not into girl.... XD)

pre registration ums..WTH...
d system sucks laa,cant even register..
for nature sake, pliiisss la upgrade d whole thing..
bkin malu ja ooh lau U lain tau, web based kunu..
tp mcm longkang,hahaha..
(allyshea,watch ur word..ada jg yg kena saman d ums ni,hahaha)

cuti ody..my plan?
research..(my fren laughed at this)..let me keep the topic to myself,keke..
try to lose a bit weight,haha!!
treadmill,wait fr me..
(if too thin i'll hv to buy new shirts n pants baa,kekeke)

cuzzy2 dr ranau..
nice to keep in touch with all of u..
hope to see all of u in person soon..
mau pluk2 cium kmu,keke...
cium pipi ja baa,jgn kmu geli2 sna,hahaha!!

Happy Oliday kmu suma!!
frens from seberang laut- jgn cuba2 brenang bik sni k nex sem..menangis timun laut nmpk bdn kmu,kekekeke!!!
frens yg nda pyh seberang laut- jgn p brenang jg,brendam ja kmu ni besen,keke...

Take k!!!

kebuduhan yg mlampau..

knpa otak ku bputar pd arah yg blainan drpad makhluk2 d lain d semesta ini..
adaka sy x normal seperti anda semua..??
jwpnny tdk,haha..
budu..pa sy mrepek ni.

hmmph,penat..skt kpala sy bfkr..
alangkah baiknya jika dunia ini sempurna sperti syurga..
pencapaian yg amat bharga..
seperti kata2 dlm Utopia..
falsafah tlah berlalu tp ku mempraktikkannya..
(bahasa ku seperti sdg mduduki peperiksaan sastera tingkatan 6)

actually i'm dizzy from thinking..
and walking backwards to where i'm not supposed to step on..
i know it's not beneficial fr me, but still i jump into the hole..
two posts on the same topic but still i didnt change..

i don see the heaven light coming,
my rainbow is fading too..
no more light for me??
where am i supposed to head..

can i create another source for light..
can i move on in darkness...

Allyshea, u will not reach the future,
if u keep walking backwards..

wish time flies...

there're bricks on my chest,it's unbearable..
hmph...help me to forget,need to let go of it..

i'm digging my own grave,
& with ur help, i'm dying...
and slowly moving to my deathbed...

i know my place,
why did i still linger around place where i don't belong..
today slap me in d heart,
wake up i tell myself..
what i didn't realize is,
I'm awake, but i force myslelf to sleep..

haissh,alicia..
come on..knock urself on d wall..
who cares about d rainbow,
u'll find ur heaven light soon..

a token of my appreciation...

today's blog is all about thanking people around me.. ^^

1. my current roomate...(wpn ku hanya penetap smntara)

Dearest Onnia, Nuyuy, Kak Yong & Sis Jane: thanx very much for letting me stay in ur room this sem..wpn bilik tu hny bkapasiti utk 4 org, tp kmu sggp jg menerima muatan xtra ini..hehe!!

kak Yong- sorry lau ksy buat bsng tym ko blajar..nda sgaja bos..kak,nnt kita mkn maggi telur lg,hahaha...(msk d rice cooker..wee~~)

Nyuy + Onia- tQ jaga2 sy..Yuy,tQ pujuk n nsht sy tym sy sedih..ko la ibu hrpn generasi kita!!

Sis Jane- Thanx fr sharing d space wt me...nex tym we go chapel lg ah,hehe...

Makaseh ngan kamu suma for everything!! ini la bilik yg plng best!! plng caring n toleransi!! hehehe...n sorry lau sy ktawa tlpau kuat,hahaha!!

huhuhuhu..shedih oh mau pindah bilik nex sem..jd ulat buku sepenuh masa la sy ni nnt..

hopefully everything will go well...

2. senior2 n kekawan d SPPS!!

akak Kembar, bro, Specky sis, Sis Eva, Kak Anis..Abg Alif, Kak Dayah,Chena,Dewi,...

fareez,dedek,midi,sobb,wan,iddruzz,ejam,adi...fynie,eja,fyda....

waaaaah,bnykny kmu niii...sorry ah lau nda tsebut nama kmu..yg pntg kamu suma la!!

KAMU MMG BULIH BAA!!

hehe,thanx fr d memories...besh kwn ngan kmu suma..besh b'program ngan kamu!!

minat maaf dr hjng rmbt ku yg curly ni ke hjng kuku kaki ku yg blm dipotong pendek ini,klau ada kekasaran kata n tingkah laku yg krng enak ditonton..hmm.,bhs bm ku yg amat lancar..

kak Anis,jgnlupa tarian kemenangan tu ah,hehehe...

klau ada masa kita p minum kopi sama2 ah,hehehe..

pa brng lau kita tpisah bgtu ja..huhu...

kwn2 upsi: kmu pn mmg bulih ah..hahaha!! especially kelle,pa brng klau ko lupa kami!! bowling lg baa,haha,mentang2 pndai da skit sy main kan.. 3 jejaka-x brpa rpt ngan kmu ba..

atai-senyum polisi hdp!! awang-nda lari tu "topi".. mustakim-bkin tkt muka ko,garang ja ni,kekeke!!!

3. my two chixs: Bell & T'rah...

Trah-wpn ko mcm angin (ada musim)..tp ko ttp kwn ku,hahaha!!

wpn bkn suma org memahami gaya ko yg unik,ku ttp bthn d sisi ko!!

we share d same benua kan,hehe..

we scolded at each other, but at d end of the day,we still stick by...

wpn ko tleh jatuh berkali2 d hdpn ku,ko ttp atirah yg ku knl pd sem 1 2008/09,hahaha

nsb nda hlng ingatan..sot2 ni..

trah,for u i'll use d word forever..remember this sentence k!!

Bell-ko la sayap sy chix,hehhe..u really helped me a lot..

thanx fr everything..

my friendship may not be as much as others', but thats all i hv to offer..

i'm trying hard to cherish wat friends are..i nvr had a good taste of a real friendship until i meet u,hihi..seriously...

huhu,napa shedih sgt da ni..mcm sy tulis wasiat ja oohh..

palis,blm ready mau matai ni...

bnyk ba sy mau tulis ni,tp kmu msh bwh umur,hahahaha!!!

ckp la ni..pening da sy mau taip...

ada lori ada bas,

kalau brani, balas!! (i mean comment,kekeke)

B'low r Gifts which God sent for me..hehe

Bell~T'rah~A sinner

Sisterhood..Luv ya all!!

fren2 yg lain...

world history...

yesterday was fun..fun,fun,fun!!!
we went all out bowling-ing and k-boxing at 1b...
i lost my voice fr 1 hour,caused by too much screaming and laughing!!
thanx to my sifu-Bell,i managed to escape the "longkang" at the end of the game...
hehehe..kelle got her own style of throwing the ball..
tym k-boxing,mmg kami yg menang la..haha
roomate grace pn all out ni..
sepa pdli merdu ka nda..pa brng mcm AF,kekeke...

here comes the major news: kak una (bkn nama sbnr), slipped at surau's stairs..
wekekeke,mcm skateboarding ni dia m'gelongsor..lawa pose dia,hahaha!!!
if only i could sketch it out here for u to see how she fell..keekeke...
da la dia jatuh bgtu,dia plak yg brabis ktawa..
bingung sy mau support dia ktawa ka tlng dia bdiri..hmmm...

i bought d gift..hmmm
atas dasar teman??? hahaha..

hmmm,after all that fun,need to get back to my study mode laa..
cant be too happy...

-THE WHEEL WILL TURN-

Study mode is on

i'm now in my study mode..
will continue to update my blog entry once i'm tired of studying,kekeke...
it wont be long...miahahaha..
k-box can wait...hehe..

Database: processing & saving
c ya...

mucus flowing out...

huurhhh,i'm sick...
my flu is getting worse..d medicine is not working..

my mum read my blog,at last,hahaha!!
cant on9 too much now,my broadband kena rampas nnt oh,kekeke...

k box wt this flu??
yup!!! i'll sing my heart out like nobody's business...
hehhee...

tik tik tik...waktu berdetik...

cpt btl tu masa btukar..tp sy blm stat blajar apa2 pn..
haisshhh..x tau pa mau fokus ni...
mau ja sy ambik bantal n melantarkn dr ku ini..
da la connection blik2 putus,hp lg buat hal..
aiyaaayaa..bingung2..

td nuyuy and kwn dia,liza jejak kasih dlm bilik,hehehe
mesra ooh,bpukul2 ni psl mau kurik rahsia msng2,duhai...
hidungku tsumbat..napa teda effect ubat tu..hmmm...

penat..ngantuk...
post sy boring..lalalala

nite nite...

why is it like dis...??

why is it so hard to deal with life..
why cant we manage it just like how we customize our blog or anything equivalent..
aishhh...

talked to my long lost cousin just now,
it was nice..miss the old times..
but things are not the same anymore..
i want to see my granma so badly..
huhuu,miss her...

why did i catch all these sickness before the final exam...
how am i supposed to concentrate with the flu keep flowing out of my nose and throat aching like a troop of ants are biting it..
maybe i'm exaggerating it a bit,hahahaha...

exam...exam...
i'll hv to start from the bits of everything..
hopefully the result wont be as bad as last sem's..
cilakak pny result..pdhal dr dr sndiri..takkan sy yg cilakak...
musykil...ngek ngek ngek...

mau p hfl japanese script la lu ni..
tlampau addicted ngan FB pny psl la ni..
cicak btl...

nite2 bloggy..
database: sleep mode.

utk anda semua..hehehe

ada org bkin pns d fb..tatu ja smat,tp ckp nda btapis,cilaka...

gibang,kim slm ngan dorg suma...

kamu2 yg p BBQ SPPS,sy jelesh ngan kamu semua..

bg yg bkapasiti tinggi,sila tlng sy mkn,k..hehehe

tapun...

jgn kmu ksh cemar swimming pool bdk tu,k..hehehe

manatau kmu bikin cuci piring d sana,hahaha

kakak2 yg sporting,

buat lu tarian baru kita sblm mkn..

abg2, tlng bakar mknan..hehe

hmm...miss u all already..

ngek ngek ngek...sy merengek??

not feeling well,huhu..
sore throat + body aching + inner problem= not happy me..

i havent even started memorizing the script for monday's presentation,aishhh..
tbelit lidah mhafal tu, nenek sy mesti ingat sy hfl mentera apa tu..hahaha
mau blajar ba ni,tp teda mood...alasan semata2..sendiri rugi...

ada jual clorox utk hati ka?
sy mau beli..mau ksh bersih elemen2 yg singgah..
database sy hmpir penuh..on 2nd thought, i think i'll keep u in my database...
i'll let u stay there for my memories..
it hurts nicely..TQ

bsk mau p jmpa doc..
jgn apa2 kn sy,hahaha...

treasure...

no more tears darling,

there'll always shoulders for u to lean on..

the world will not be easy,

that's where all of us learn..

dry your tears my dear,

you'll see a brighter day..

wat happened..

Kg E's cleaner penapau!!
my hair cream kena tapau laaa..bingung btl dorg tuu,tolol,kekeke...
tpaksa sy beli yg baru,huhu...

SPPS Family day-Besh!!
rugi jg la yg nda p..pa blh buat la kn lau psl assgnment..
nex tym lg kita p k...
ada tarian "kemenangan" yg baru tcipta,hahaha..
sy msh bdk bek...ngek ngek ngek...
gmbr2 lawa,kui kui kui..msk lif tekan sendiri..

i kinda gave the last word,but not sure how it'll turn out in the future...
we cant have everything right..

goin to take my bath soon,
i have flour all over me..
i can be deep fried n jadi kuih karipap!!
masin pn ckp masin da nii..

To you,
you'll always be in my database.

down the memory lane..

your lips i kissed the other day,
but today i let you walk away..
miles parting us two,
memories and promises will make me remember you..
don't worry my dear,
you'll be just fine without me here..

it's never too late..

i know i started quite late,but it doesn't matter right..?right..

I'll use this blog page to post my poetry ( whatever u want to call it..) n so on..

happy to receive any comment on anything...

Dr. Lee encouraged us to blog..

well,here i am..

not for any assignment,it's for the sake of fun and expressing what is inside..

it's not that i don't have friends to talk to,but sometimes this is better..

cause you don't get to see their faces (whether their listening, judging, n ...)...

-can't get everybody to love you,just make yourself someone who can be loved-