-little that u know-

the look in ur eyes hurt and tear us from the inside...

little by little..

day by day..

the inner strength u build from your heart,

it'll help u forget the past..

little that u know,

i cry watching u slipping away...

i struggle to climb over the wall u create, so hard...

little that you know,

i sometimes feel like giving up..

but never do, because i love you...

-analyzing the inside-

oooh,here comes my xmas wish list!! oh yes, i have one too!

1. i wish i'll understand myself better

2. i wish everything heals faster n throughly...i dont mind the scars, just let it heal..whatever there's to be healed, hahahaha

3. ever seen the perfect family portrait...don't you just wish you could get it out and place it in your own home...

4. the silent moment...sit..talk a bit..sit some more...look into the sky,night sky preferably...go back,sleep....

i'll stop at 4...Santa will read the rest straight from my heart..Santa has the ability to read mind?? he's better than any magician out there...

extra cheese:: there's something about cat that makes you want to cuddle them & at the same time you'll feel like throwing them right at the wall in front of you..weird huh??

-my eyes are opened,my heart feels-

just came back from another SUEC - Scaling Up Education in Community's program which was held in 3 different places (Salarom,Babalitan & Logongon). another great journey & experiences!! nothing i wrote/typed here would ever best describe what i, or should i say, we went through..

those boat rides were out of the world..u might say that i'm exaggerating, well, that's the best way to describe it for us who seldom ride in a boat..

the outside world...naaah,i should have said the goverment should take a look at the needs for them to take some of the development to these places, especially for education! those kids need plenty of helps in terms of facility & exposure..stop wasting money on government's cars and private jets... hmm,am i attracting ISA?? i really hope some of the so called ruler read this...

i wish i could contribute more to the community there,that one visit would not be enough.. but going there isn't easy too..we had to take 3 types of vehicles the other day-bus,4WD & boat.. can u imagine the cost? i'll leave u to do the math...

pictures? check out my FB account..there are some in it,not much though..cause i didnt bring my own cam & i kinda rely on my lect's and friends'..

i might not be able to change the world, but with these little efforts i'm taking with me, i hope i can change their future..

-just be urself-

YOU EAT, YOU’RE FAT. YOU DON’T EAT, YOU’RE A FREAK. YOU DRINK, YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC. YOU DON’T DRINK, YOU’RE A PUSSY. YOU READ, YOU’RE A NERD. YOU DON’T READ, YOU’RE STUPID. YOU TELL A SECRET, YOU’RE AN ATTENTION SEEKER. YOU DON’T TELL A SECRET, YOU’RE STILL ATTENTION SEEKING. YOU LET SOMEONE IN, YOU’RE EASY. YOU DON’T LET SOMEONE IN, YOU’RE TOO UPTIGHT. YOU SMOKE, YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL. YOU DON’T SMOKE, YOU’RE A LOSER. YOU’VE HAD SEX, YOU’RE A SLUT. YOU HAVEN’T HAD SEX, YOU’RE A FRIGID LITTLE BITCH. YOU WEAR MAKE UP, YOU’RE A SLAG. YOU DON’T WEAR MAKE UP, YOU’RE UGLY. YOU CAN’T PLEASE ANYONE. EVER.

(Source: skelet0ns, via therocketdream)

-scribbled feeling-

Passion plays it all,

no love can be found..

pride used to be so tall,

now lust wears the crown...

It's unfair to him,

for me to live in the past..

and promise a future realm,

saying all will last...

we know it will come,

memories stay in mind,

passion dies with time...

i'll see you in shadows,

and myself turns into crow...

oh,how i like to cry,

pour me with your lie,

ignore me and i will cry...

don't worry i won't die

crying's my lullaby...

(Allyshea,2010)

-the ugly truth-

Kissing's a pleasure

Fucking's a game

Guys get all the pleasure

Girls get all the pain

He says he loves you, and you believe it's true

Until your belly starts to swell and he says hell with you.

10 minutes of pleasure, 9 months and pain

3 days in hospital, a child without a name

The baby's a bastard

The mother's a whore

This never would have happened if the rubber hadn't tore.

-would u run away-

Yes/No Questions, please answer all the questions truthfully:

1. will u still be around when u know the real me?

2. will u still be around when i tell u i like my hair blue/dark purple instead of plain black?

3. will u still be around when u listened to my favorite weird musics?

some people called it noise...

but its my lullaby and it sooths my mind....

4. will u still be around when i tell u that i like to read about the ghostly stuff?

i like weird creatures with weird abilities...

they make me feel out of the world n not normal...

soul,bones,werewolf,vampire,night creatures....

5. will u still be there when i tell you about the past me?

stupid,fool,lost...

i may be still d same...

i think i am...lol

6. will u still be around after hearing all my cursing & rough words?

i cursed for reasons..

i dont just walk around & spit out the so called venom...

i'm sane...

7. will u still be there when i tell u that i might not want to change who i am today?

i'm content with what i have...

i'm "sabai" enough...

of course i will change for the better, if what i'm doing & practicing is wrong,

& against the law...

will you still be around?

-the escape-

i have to post what i'm thinking here, cant do it in Facebook,they'll know that i'm not studying,hahaha...come on, it's hard to focus on something for a long time...i need a little space/rest (so called little) to express what's playing in my head..i'll go loco keeping all of it to myself...

-something i've created while staring at the junk beside my bed (how i wish i can bury myself in the blanket and pillow now,urrghh)-

the war between the head and the heart,

spitting out different language,

when they're functioning as one...

the war between thinking and feeling,

makes the living ache...

venom into fire,

burning the dying...

i'm hanging on on a thread,

a thin thread...

as i'm trying harder to be where i am,

my fingers buried,clawing and clinging to whatever is beyond my reach...

u,whoever might read this,

might not read the underlying meaning...

it's just a bowl of thought....

my bowl...

conteng-conteng kehidupan

sy akan memulakan scribble2 of life sy pd masa yg tdekat jak,klu stat dr hari sy dilahirkn,nescaya keyboard sy akan tcabut n sy xbpluang utk buat revision las minit sy...

skg ni musim xm,bkn musim mengawan k (blm blh lg)...& spt biasa sbg plajr yg agak cemerlang & patut diberi anugerah khas, smngat utk bljr tu akan dtg las2 minit..biasala ba tu kn,otak lbh mudah menyerap apabila dipaksa dgn rela (Alicia, 2010)...asemen pn bgtu kn,bsok dateline,ni mlm nda tdr brabis ksh siap...yg ppn sgp nda bebedak p klas psl klam kbut mo print asemen awal pg sblm p klas...ngeh,trasa ka? (bdasarkn pengalaman hidup,hohohoho)

actually bkn tu ba main point sy m'entrykn diri hr ni,bkn ni yg bmain2 d otak sy td...td sy imagine merry-go-round,skali tkluar men ayunan jak plak...hmmm,2010 mcm not a good year,bg sy la... hidup kita x sma kn,tdk jg sy srh ko stuju...dunia pn mcm penat da mo tampung kita,ada2 jak yg blaku...banjir la,taufan la (megi lg tu nama dia,huissh),gng mletup la (mletus yg mcm ngam),gegaran yg xtra dr biasa, etc... klu fkr2 kn,mcm suma ni blaku mcm mo ksh bersih ni bumi dr suma jht2 n bkn2 yg manusia buat kn...tu ombak mcm taking the thrown away babies to somewhere better...the wind mcm taking away the souls to place they'll rest...

i dont have a halo on my head,n i might end up in hell when i die..but now,while i'm still learning n breathing, i'm trying to be the best fr me n everyone...see, things dont always end up the way we plan..when that happen to me, i'll always look at the angle where i know that God put it that way for reasons, n its for the best (i'm not always this positive though,hehe)...

something i learnt recently: deal with ur own sickness before u attend others...

u dont teach kids how to wear the clothes when u wear it inside out urself...

dont criticize people as if u're being paid (nda pndai bhenti pnya stail tu ba)...hehehe

to make thing worse, it happens in d same blood...mcm len jak sy xplain,tp itu la mksd dia tu (??)...bkn sy mo menyumpah, tp takut if u keep doing that, nnti ketulahan baa...bkn mo minta2..tp smpai bila la mo mcm tu...mcm lirik lagu "if u dont like me, i'm a bad person"... biar la kita masing2 dgn hal masing2 kn,lg bgs...klu rasa mo sharing,buat cara sharing,ckp depan2,kekekeke.....mcm forum,kita ddk dlm bulatan...minta tlng ketua kg jd pengerusi majlis...

(brabis sy menaip,blm sy bljr...k,jap lg)

mari la kita sma2 m'besar (minum susu junjung)... sama2 maju depan (teda gear gustan)...

::::kedengaran bunyi kentut::::

u dont just change ur bloodline...

arkib muka kamu

setelah sekian lama sy x snap2 gmbr d skul...all the below are the products,haha..klu ada tmiring muka,jgn marah k..natural look baa...ada jg yg brabis cover their face,mo elak mo kena ambik gmbr,hehehe,ndapa2,i know kamu down to earth..

if u take poster artis d majalah2 tu kn,try n kasih kemek parts of the poster,mereng jg muka dorg tu,hahahaha...manada manusia yg perfect....

tanpa merepek dgn lebih pnjg..sy akan show muka2 yg cute2 n ada jg yg bkin panas...ada muka

yg mmg cute brabis x akan diupload utk mjga keselamatan mereka,ekekeke....

(while waiting fr the pics to be uploaded:::lambat ooooh)

sebagai introduction yg sempurna...muka saya!!!

okay,here goes...

-trip plancong & bingung-

(syipak & gracie)

-gay..tragis-

(din & nimal & lokman)

-bcrita jak dlm lecture ni..2 jam lecture,2 jam jg dorg bcrita-

(ho & angel)

-nah,ni la yg cover muka tu,hihihi,sib bek smart pose dorg-

(sharon & shusan)

-fanatik harry potter..muka dia mcm raksasa dlm HP da,hahaha-

(Ho)

-paras b'cakap mengikut urutan dlm gmbr:::moderate,plng bnyk,kurang -

(carol & onea & leslie)

-ktawa bnyk2 suma nmpk gigi..jap,c botak teda-

(nimal & liang & gracie & syipak)

-retarded-

(syipak & din)

-chix-

(ros & fel & V & bal)

-kumpulan biru:: 3 tudung biru...si bell minat biru jg tuu-

(t'rah & fatin & tiqah & bell)

adaaaa lagi!!!

-tggu bus p 1b ni kan??-

(gracie)

-kena paksa cuci talam2 d cafe..trip model,haha-

(mc)

-muka dia mmg slalu mrh2,tp dia ktawa tuu-

(tiqah)

-b'FB & b'SMS during lecture-

(t'rah & bell)

-kembar botak n buncit perut-

(nimal & din)

-dua2 suka pegang mikrofon-

(gracie & syipak)

-mama kami-

(onea)

-yeaah,dpt snap org ktawa ikhlas-

-naah,smart ba candid ko beb,mcm model jak ni-

(bro hasrol)

eeeiik,there are more to come,haha..tu baru episod pertama...ingat drama jak b'episod-episod??

(smbil tgu..sy p potong ayam lu,hahaha)

TESL 2008/09-Formal

(ni style org x puas hati kena srh jd photographer..ambik gmbr sndri,hehe)

(kamu hrp ka dorg ajar anak2 kamu nnt??hahaha)

(future english teachers,hahahaha)

aaahhh,tu jak la buat masa ini...penat da mo upload..

bhambur muka kamu d lappy sy,hahaha...

mesti lps ni kmu akn bhati2 klu sy ada n pegang2 hp kan,hahaha!!

semoga bjumpa lg d masa yg akan dtg...

human cum leech

ooh yeaah,i'm not done complaining bout leeches..

come on sucker, stop whatever you're doing...

after all, u still have the guts to face the world with ur head held high,

what's weirder,

u act so innocent!! huh,u sure have a very thick skin...

ooh,i hope karma gets u soon..

now,focusing on one particular leech i know..

i've heard so much bad things bout u,

ooh,yeaah,sad but true...

how blinded i was..i kept thinking that u're not as bad as what they said..

guess what??! i was wrong, big mistake...

ur heart doesnt beat, i guess...

cant focus, cant focus...

i'm boiling with rage,lol...

p/s: leeches will fall to ground when they sucked enough..

fall soon sucker...

they keep talking about love

weeeiii~

sudah2 la kamu post ayat2 nasihat / motivasi cinta2 ...

balik2 jua..

i don care kunun,klu ko btl2 dont care nda ko post2 bgtu baaa...

aiyeee~

ba,itu jak sy mo post...

between-assignments-thoughts

just saw pictures from Kg. Telaga, Pitas just now..

darn,how i miss that place...

u want to see "perpaduan"?? go there!!

even though its far from town, it has everything there..

well, not everything..

but who needs TV when u hv friendly matches for futsal & other games all the time...

who needs shopping mall when u can have all the smiles for free..

now,i know i'm comparing 2 entirely different things..hahahaha

my point is u dont have to be fully modernized to be happy!!!

that makes me think of another issue,i call it an issue cause it makes me think a lot..

would u rather be modern,exposed-to the outside world & high-possibility-to-sin??

or stay in a rural area,live simple life,might not know everything & low-possibility-to-sin??

u get what i'm saying??hmm...

a teacher once said this:::

"tp sampai bila mau duduk d bawah tempurung?"

Does God judges us by our knowledge?

if no, apa salah ddk bawah tempurung?? tdk tau pa tu astro, teda laptop/handphone, limited eleectricity, FB??? aint passport for us to be in His kingdom...

kalau duduk dalam kg,there'll be less possibility for us to sin...

it's just my opinion...

i'm not saying that org duduk bandar suma bdosa,hahaha...

i'm only talking bout the possibility,k...

new bowl with new dish??

karma..what goes around come backs around...but not many believe that it actually happens..

well,guess what??it does!! hmm...

so be extra careful with how u treat people around u..

how u treat people in the past will eventually come back to you..

maybe u'll be treated worse than what happened..

i'm not here to testify that this is the world-recognized fact..

i'm just simply speaking,well,typing,what i've seen or experienced...

& i'm not here to say "i told you so"...

well,i never have the courage to tell this to your face anyway..

it's happening but i'm not sure whether u realize it or not...

i wanted what's best for you,it hurts to see tears on ur face...

let's cross fingers that things will turn out good..

people,whoever is reading this..i hope YOU will...

don't mess with others' heart...

what in the world will u get from experimenting with others' feeling???

darn,hope karma gets u back..

now,hush allyshea...chill...

its not as easy as gluing back pieces of heart,hmm..

okay,i'm stoping here or i'll take it over the notch...

pee ass: hope you bang your head hard enough to wake u from that little fantasy of yours...

she'll be fine,she's strong inside...

don't have to worry bout her...

she's old and wise enough to take care of everything...

she laughs all the time,

she's hyper about this life...

there's tissues everywhere,

tears stains on the pillow..

weeps during the night...

diary who listens to all,

lines of scribbled feeling..

d great act of all time,

d perfect mask worn..

strong on d outside,

dead spirit lives...

she'll be fine,

she's a fighter...

for how long?

connecting or still living

my cuzzy said visiting the past helps to remind us where we got lost..

but,i'm totally still livin in it..

it lingers around me like the air i breath..

d loyalty it has to me is incredible..

i shouted d curse,it wouldn't budge..

only away when there's crowd..

fingers to dry d tears,

shoulders to bear d confused head..

its all in d other realm...

cherish d present they said,

where will it lead,nowhere...

d theater of contentment,

sold out tickets..

happy audiences rejoicing reflected images..

applause to the star of act...

i call it the wheel of life

rainbow don't always hang high,

rain don't always pour at the right amount..

things happen for reasons,

whatever it is,i do believe its for d best..

God doesn't put weight on your shoulder more than what u can bear..

why put the stake right into ur own heart,

when the 3 of us breath the same rhyme...

for others 3 might sound odd,

but it fits perfectly in each of our heart..

do you remember d hypes and lows,

it's there to help us learn..

what didn't kill u should make u stronger..

moving on is not easy but it's not impossible...

and it's a step worth taking..

tomorrow may not be sunshine,

keep faith that heaven's blessing awaits...

i'm writing through experience,

that crushed heart will never be fully healed,

but it's healing...

it takes time,it might takes forever...

it's a journey i'm willing to take,

it helps me grow...

i hope u read this..

my heart n soul lives n dies for you...

sweeping away the spider webs & dust

youhoooooo,i'm back!!!

i'm greeting the wall =="

clock ticks its tocks, its been ages since i last updated my bowl..

i'm much better now,

my brain spins at the rite pace, it's clock wise too..

i'm no more alien to the world..ya rite!!

well, not all the time anyway...which is better right??

i'm battling with all the assignments given..

i think they're trying to torture us..

& they're doing it real clean..

police will only get the evidence when our head turned bold..

bold?? yaa,the aftermath of doing too much works laa..

hahahaha..u'll have to pay for our wigs...

15 articles in ONE night??!! huh,digging my grave..

i'm dead yet breathing...